


Advanced Corporate Sandwich Rebellion

by jerpid420



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Canon Continuation, F/F, F/M, Gay, LGBTQ, M/M, Trobed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27637418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jerpid420/pseuds/jerpid420
Summary: “Leonard’s… dead?” Annie exclaims.“I can’t believe it,” Troy replies. “After being alive for two centuries, he actually died.”“His funeral is this weekend at Greendale,” Abed replies. “We’re all invited. Maybe we can repilot.”“Abed, we’re not repiloting,” Annie replies.“You’re right, we already repiloted,” Abed replies. “Maybe this is the movie that fans have been waiting for forever.”“Sure,” Annie replies. “Um, guys, should I bring the other Annie?”“Sure,” Troy replies. “You two are dating. And she went to Greendale. Only seems fair.”“Yeah, but, I haven’t told the others,” Annie whispers, even though they were the only ones in the apartment since other Annie was at work.“Oh no it’s fine, we already did,” Abed replies, looking very pleased with himself.“Abed!” Annie exclaims. “When?”“When you first started dating,” Troy replies. “They’re really proud of you for finally coming out.”Annie smiles. “Then tomorrow, we go to Greendale,” she replies.
Relationships: Annie Edison/Annie Kim, Britta Perry/Jeff Winger, Frankie Dart/Shirley Bennett, Troy Barnes & Annie Edison & Abed Nadir, Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 24
Kudos: 31





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> leonard fakes his death to get the greendale seven together because subway launched an invasion and took over subway and they need to save it from subway
> 
> basically its in the future and jeff and britta are a divorced couple who occasionally make out with each other and they have one kid. after jeff and britta got married they moved to Phoenix arizona and now they live as a divorced couple that breaks up and gets back together every week
> 
> and troy and abed are engaged and live in LA with annie, who is openly a lesbian and is an fbi agent(duh). and other annie(who is also an fbi agent) is dating annie(edison) and they both live with troy and abed
> 
> and shirley is a successful business owner and uses cool beans sandwich skills to help take over subway. also she meets frankie and falls in love at first sight. also also frankie and dean have been locked up in the central ac room thats why they couldn't contact the others
> 
> and i hate pierce so like no one even mentions him he’s dead anyway
> 
> and chang betrayed them(obviously) and has teamed up with subway
> 
> and they have to save greendale from the hands of subway

_Phoenix, Arizona_

“But Mommy! I want a ham sandwich!” a little girl whines, poking and prodding at the tofu Britta gave her.

“Eating animals is a bad thing to do because they’re living beings too,” Britta replies, trying but failing at convincing her daughter. “Eat your tofu instead.”

“I like Daddy better, he gives me ham sandwiches,” the girl pouts.

“Yeah, and your dad is also the world’s most egotistical person,” Britta replies. Suddenly, Britta’s phone rings and she quickly answers it. “What? Meet you at the park, why? Dude, I’m not coming to Greendale, today’s my week to take care of Helen.” Britta says, pronouncing it like “Heeleen”. “Wait what? Fine, I’ll come, but I’m tagging Helen along with me.” Britta turns to her daughter. “Helen, sweetie, we’re meeting Daddy at the park.”

Helen didn’t question anything. She learned from a very young age that questioning the things her parents did was just a waste of time. Why did her parents marry each other when they can’t build a healthy relationship together? She didn’t know, although according to the wedding pictures, her mom was high on weed and her dad was drunk on scotch. Why are her parents divorced, even though they clearly still get along and oftentimes make out? Very unclear. Why do her parents break up with each other every other week and then get back together? Pretty confusing. But her parents were surprisingly good parents and they loved her, and isn’t that all that matters?

A few minutes later, Britta and Jeff are whispering away at the park. “Leonard’s dead?” Britta shrieks.

“Yeah,” Jeff replies. “I just don’t understand how.”

“I mean, he was like 100 years old,” Britta replies.

“Yeah, but he just… can’t die,” Jeff replies.

“Everyone dies, Jeff,” Britta replies. “What you’re doing right now is called denial. It’s the first of the five stages of grief. As a licensed therapist, I can help you reach acceptance through grief counseling.”

“Please don’t,” Jeff grumbles.

Britta rolls her eyes. “Do the others know?”

“Probably,” Jeff replies. “I bet they would’ve told everyone Leonard knew. We’re all invited to his funeral.”

“Should we just tag Helen along?” Britta asks, eyeing Helen.

“Duh,” Jeff replies. “We can’t leave her alone.”

“But would bringing her to see a dead person be too much?” Britta whispers.

Jeff quickly grabs a tiny book he and Britta have been using ever since Helen was born. It read ‘How to be Good Parents’. “Hm, it says here that it’s fine as long as they want to come.”

“Helen,” Britta calls, pronouncing it like “Heeleen”. “Do you want to come to a funeral?”

Helen nods and smiles. “Jesus Christ just call her Helen,” Jeff grumbles.

Britta decides to resort to mocking Jeff instead of coming up with a good argument. “ _Jesus Christ just call her Helen._ Duh doy!” Britta mocks in a funny voice.

“You’re the worst.”

***

_Hollywood, California_

“Troy, Abed, I’m going to buy some groceries,” Annie calls out, getting her purse ready. “Troy, Abed? Are you two still making out?”

Annie walks into their room. They hurriedly stop kissing and blush. It’s only been a few weeks since they started officially dating and they’re already engaged. If preparing a wedding didn’t take long, they would be married by now. Their relationship progresses so fast it’s almost scary. “Sorry,” Abed shyly replies. It’s weird hearing Abed be shy. He just wasn’t that kind of person. 

“I don’t care what you two do, just please say something when I call for you,” Annie replies, laughing a little. Suddenly, Troy, Abed, and Annie’s phones ring, the same sound they make when they receive a text message. They pull out their phones and their eyes widen reading the text. “Leonard’s… dead?” Annie exclaims.

“I can’t believe it,” Troy replies. “After being alive for two centuries, he actually died.”

“His funeral is this weekend at Greendale,” Abed replies. “We’re all invited. Maybe we can repilot.”

“Abed, we’re not repiloting,” Annie replies.

“You’re right, we already repiloted,” Abed replies. “Maybe this is the movie that fans have been waiting for forever.”

“Sure,” Annie replies. “Um, guys, should I bring the other Annie?”

“Sure,” Troy replies. “You two are dating. And she went to Greendale. Only seems fair.”

“Yeah, but, I haven’t told the others,” Annie whispers, even though they were the only ones in the apartment since other Annie was at work.

“Oh no it’s fine, we already did,” Abed replies, looking very pleased with himself.

“Abed!” Annie exclaims. “When?”

“When you first started dating,” Troy replies. “They’re really proud of you for finally coming out.” 

Annie smiles. “Then tomorrow, we go to Greendale,” she replies.

***

_Atlanta, Georgia_

“Ms. Bennett?” a waitress asks Shirley. “A customer is dissatisfied with the food. What should I do?”

“I’ll handle it,” Shirley replies. She walks up to a table, where a man is looking at the food with disgust. “What is the issue, sir?” Shirley asks the man. 

“I asked for a vegetarian sandwich and your dumb waitress gave me a ham sandwich,” the man grumbles.

“Oh, I’m very sorry about that,” Shirley replies, in the same sweet voice she would use to convince other people to do what she wanted them to do. Some habits die hard. “Let me throw this out and make you a new one.”

As Shirley leaves to give the man a new sandwich, she stops at the bathroom. She looks into the mirror. A strong, independent business woman stares back. She’s proud of the person she’s become. She’s no longer a desperate housewife hoping for a call from her husband. Now she’s a strong businesswoman who threw her trashy husband out of her life because she deserves better.

Shirley’s phone rings. A text. She looks at her phone.

_To whom it may concern,_

_Leonard Rodriguez, student at Greendale for an interminably long time, has passed away. His funeral will be held at Greendale Community College this Saturday and it would be appreciated if his fellow classmates came._

_Sincerely,_

_Greendale School Board Management_

“Oh my,” Shirley whispers to herself. “Leonard is dead?” Shirley immediately walks to the kitchen. “I need to leave immediately,” she tells the manager. “I have an, um, emergency to tend to. Book me a ticket to Greendale, Colorado.”

***

And so the Greendale Seven, minus Pierce, prepares to leave for Greendale. What they didn’t expect was a lurking danger swallowing Greendale up like a ham sandwich, and they certainly didn’t expect that they’d be the only ones who can save Greendale.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard, Magnitude, Garrett, Neil, Vicki, Todd, and Star-Burns come up with a plan to bring the Greendale Seven(minus Pierce) to Greendale so they can save it, and it involves Leonard exploding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> takes place a few days before last week's chapter

_Greendale Community College, a few days prior to the events of the prologue_

Leonard, Magnitude, Garrett, Neil, Vicki, Todd, and Star-Burns sit at Study Room F. “We need to discuss Subway,” Leonard says, breaking the awkward silence.

“Pop pop,” Magnitude sadly murmurs.

“We have to save Greendale from Subway,” Vicki replies. “Greendale is no longer Greendale, it’s just a faceless corporation.”

“Thanks to Subway, my drug dealing business is suffering losses,” Star-Burns whines. “Our labs are now replaced with sandwich tasting rooms. Meth production has significantly declined. Plus everyone here is high on Subway’s sandwiches so they won’t buy the little meth I have left.”

“I hate to say this, but the only ones that can fix this are the Greendale Seven,” Todd says. “Minus Pierce since he’s dead.”

“But how do we get them here?” Neil asks. “Jeff and Britta are in Arizona. Troy, Abed, and Annie are all the way in California. Shirley’s in Georgia. And we can’t get out of this place or Chang will tase us. We can’t call anyone either, or Chang will tase us. We’re trapped.”

“I have an idea,” Leonard says, looking thoughtful. There weren’t many times that he was thoughtful or reasonable in life. The last time he could remember being thoughtful was after he tattooed “gay” onto his butt on a dare with one of the _Little Rascals_ and got fired. He was broke and his life was at stake so he figured it was time to mature a little. Now, his life may not have been at stake, but the only home he’d known for decades was, so it was time to be thoughtful and reasonable. “I’ll fake my death,” Leonard suggests. “They’ll have to contact the study group. We’ll have to trust that they’ll come here, and if they come here, they can save Greendale.”

“How are you going to fake your death?” Vicki asks.

“We’ll cause an explosion,” Leonard suggests. “You can say I died in the explosion, and while they’re distracted, I can sneak into the boiler room beneath the cafeteria where Frankie and the Dean are locked up in. Maybe through the vents.”

The rest nod their heads.

***

_Greendale Community College, the next day_

“So the plan is for Magnitude to chuck a molotov cocktail into Leonard’s room while Todd keeps a lookout,” Neil says, briefing the others before they begin.

“Pop pop!” Magnitude exclaims.

“Leonard will already be hiding in the vents with Star-Burns, who knows the vents really well thanks to his drug-dealing business,” Neil replies. “After navigating to the boiler room, Leonard will hide with Frankie and the Dean, and Star-Burns will escape out of the vents and navigate to the study room. Garrett will run around screaming and alerting everyone of the explosion, and Vicki and I will convince the faculty to contact the study group.”

Everyone nods in agreement.

***

Magnitude and Todd head over to Leonard’s dorm room. Walking through the hallways, they bump into Chang. Chang beams his flashlight into their eyes. “What are you doing here?” Chang demands.

“We’re heading to our rooms,” Todd replies, trying to remain as calm as he could.

“Pop pop,” Magnitude says in agreement.

“I’m watching you,” Chang snarls. Chang leaves the hallways. 

Magnitude and Todd hurriedly run to Leonard’s room. No one is nearby, luckily, so Magnitude prepares the molotov cocktail and chucks it into Leonard’s room, refraining from screaming "pop pop". That would just cause unnecessary commotion. Everything catches fire and Magnitude and Todd quickly flee the scene.

***

Meanwhile, Leonard and Star-Burns are crawling through the vents, hoping they won’t get caught. “How much further?” Leonard asks.

“We’re almost there,” Star-Burns replies.

A few minutes later, Star-Burns pushes the vents open. Inside the room are Frankie and Dean. They scream.

“Oh my gosh!” Frankie exclaims.

“Someone came to save us!” Dean exclaims, after realizing that it was only Leonard and Star-Burns. “We’re free!”

“We’re not here to save you, Dean,” Star-Burns replies. “We’re here to hide Leonard with you. He’s faking his death to get the study group together so they can save Greendale.”

“Why not let Frankie and I escape now?” Dean asks.

“Because Chang has been securing Greendale too well for us to get out of here,” Leonard replies. “We’ll get caught again anyway.”

“That’s a good point,” Dean replies.

“Okay, I’m gonna leave,” Star-Burns says. “Magnitude and Todd should’ve thrown the molotov cocktail by now and I need to leave before someone realizes I’m missing.”

“You’re throwing molotov cocktails?” Frankie exclaims. “That is unacceptable.”

“That’s the only way we can claim that Leonard is dead without a body,” Star-Burns replies. 

“Right,” Frankie sadly replies.

***

In the meantime, Garrett sees the smoke from the explosion and starts screaming. “There’s a fire!” he screams, running down the hallways. He’s almost out of breath and his blood pressure levels are far too high, but it’s for Greendale. Soon, some of Chang’s staff extinguish the fire.

“Leonard was right in there!” Vicki exclaims. “He’s dead!”

Chang walks in, laughing maniacally. “How do you know he’s dead?” he screams, beaming his flashlight into Vicki’s face.

“He said he was going to his room to take a nap and there was just an explosion in his room,” Vicki stammers. “And Leonard is nowhere to be found.”

Chang thinks to himself. “Okay, that’s a pretty good point, I think I’m just mentally ill.”

“We have to contact the study group,” Neil says.

“Why in the world do we need to contact the study group?” Chang growls.

“Their former classmate just died, so they need to come to his funeral,” Vicki replies.

Chang raises his eyebrows. Suddenly, Subway’s head of management at Colorado, Marcus Briggsburger, walks into the hallway. “What is going on here?” he demands.

“Mr. Briggsburger, our classmate, Leonard, just died in an explosion in his room,” Vicki replies. “We want to have a funeral for him and invite some of our former friends that graduated from Greendale already.”

“I see no problem with that,” Briggsburger replies.

“Mr. Briggsburger, these people are dangerous,” Chang hisses. “They were the ones that caused the riot at Subway the first time you were here. When you tried to convert Greendale to a sandwich school, they were the ones that stopped it. If we bring them they will destroy us.”

“Subway has grown stronger,” Briggsburger replies. “We can certainly contain a few people.”

“Fine, but I need more weaponry and more staff,” Chang replies.

“Deal,” Briggsburger says, shaking Chang’s hand.

***

A few days later, the Greendale Seven minus Pierce Hawthorne arrives at Greendale.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chang locks Troy, Abed, Annie, Annie Kim, Jeff, Britta, Shirley, and Jeff and Britta’s kid Helen into Abed's former dorm room. They argue on whether to save Greendale or be selfish and run away instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe i was gonna post it last thursday but i procrastinated

_ Greendale Community College _

Troy, Abed, Annie, and Annie Kim look up at Greendale Community College from the parking lot across the street. They couldn’t see much because of the high electrical fence that surrounded Greendale, but it looks terrifying. “Abed, how much longer are you going to make us look up at Greendale?” Annie asks. “We need to get inside for Leonard’s funeral.”

“We can go now,” Abed replies. “I was waiting for the author to begin writing. It’s a bit of a lame beginning, but the author is pretty sleep deprived and can’t think of a good beginning. We should cut her some slack.”

“Author?” Annie Kim asks, confused.

“Author?” Annie asks, a little annoyed but also proud to be Abed’s friend.

“Author?” Troy asks, his eyes shimmering as he looked up at Abed dreamily.

“Yeah, the author,” Abed replies, as if obvious. “You know, the one writing the series of short stories we’re in. Have you not noticed?” The others shake their heads. “Oh. I guess it’s one of those things that only I can really tell.”

Troy, Abed, Annie, and Annie Kim walk up to the entrance. Chang walks up, slow-clapping. “Well, well, well,” he menacingly growls. “If it isn’t Troy, Abed, Annie, and Asian Annie.”

“I prefer to be called Annie Kim,” Annie Kim snaps.

“Don’t you two hate each other?” Chang snarls, beaming his flashlight at Annie and Annie Kim, even though it’s a very sunny day.

“We’re actually dating,” Annie retorts.

Chang laughs. “How does that even work?” Chang snorts. 

Annie glares at him. “Same, old Chang. Always taunting others. Why do you look like the psycho Chang who tried to murder us all during our third year here?”

“Subway has taken over Greendale,” Chang replies, raising his eyebrows. “In preparation for your stay at Greendale, we’ll need to lock you up in the dorms.

“Wait what?” Troy shrieks. Before any of them can react, each of them are covered by bags and yanked inside.

***

When the bag on Abed’s head is finally removed, he recognizes the room he’s in as his former dorm room. He smiles a little bit. The last time he was here was during season 2. After that he had moved in with Troy. They were secretly going out during the summer and were about to announce it, but then they chickened out and announced that they had just moved in together instead.

Next to him are Troy, Annie, Annie Kim, Jeff, Britta, Shirley, and a little girl that Abed didn’t recognize. “Chang, why did you yank us in here?” Britta snaps. “By yanking us in here against our will for no reason, you are violating our rights!”

Chang groans. “You’re all threat level fours. We can’t let you roaming around,” Chang snaps back.

“Mommy!” the little girl whimpers, hugging Britta.

Everyone starts cackling. “Is that Jeff and Britta’s kid?” Abed asks, refraining from laughing.

“I’m sorry Britta, some things are funny because they make no sense,” Annie laughs. “And that is definitely one of them.”

“Hey, hey, hey!” Chang growls. “You’re not here to enjoy yourselves. You’re here for a funeral, and to make sure that the Subway empire stays intact, you’ll stay here forever.”

“What? You can’t keep us in here forever!” Jeff yells. 

“Too late,” Chang snarls, running out the room and locking it.

“What do we do?” Shirley whimpers.

“We need to escape and save Greendale,” Abed replies. “I can’t really think of a homage off the top of my head, most likely due to the author’s lack of pop culture knowledge. But hey, it’ll still be an adventure.”

“No Abed, we’re finding a way out of Greendale and getting away from here as fast as we can!” Jeff protests. “This isn’t a stupid tv show or whatever, this is real life, and we’re being locked inside a dorm room by a madman in a Napolean suit!”

“We can’t just leave Greendale like this,” Annie argues back. “There are still people we care about here. We can’t just leave them here to rot.”

“That’s their problem,” Jeff replies. “I vote we get the hell out of here.”

“Same,” Britta says. “I’m supposed to be a responsible parent, not an immature child fake-saving a school that doesn’t really need saving.”

“Greendale doesn’t need saving?” Abed argues. “Greendale is being run by a corporation and a crazy, amateur warlord who is notorious for betraying people. Dean and Frankie are nowhere to be found. You of all people should be enraged by this.”

“I vote we save Greendale,” Troy replies, smiling at Abed. Abed, Annie, and Annie Kim nod in agreement.

“C’mon, how is Asian Annie allowed to vote?” Britta grumbles. “That’s not fair.”

“With all due respect Britta, she’s my girlfriend so she’s part of the group now,” Annie snaps. Annie and Annie Kim look at each other dreamily.

“Jeez, get a room,” Jeff grumbles. 

“Shirley, what’s your decision?” Britta asks.

“I vote we save Greendale, too,” Shirley replies. “This place has saved us no matter what. It’s time to save it back.”

“See, that’s five votes to save Greendale, and how many votes to be selfish and run away?” Annie replies. She over-exaggerates counting. “Oh, um, two votes to be selfish.” Annie faces Jeff and Britta. “We’re stuck here anyway. Wouldn’t hurt to save Greendale while we’re stuck here.”

“Okay, but, how do we get out of here?” Annie Kim asks.

Abed eyes the vent in his room. “We can get out of here through the vents,” Abed replies, his eyes widening.

“Do we even know how to navigate the vents?” Jeff asks.

“Okay, but what do we do about Helen?” Britta asks, still pronouncing it like “Heeleen”. 

“Oh my gosh just call her Helen!” Jeff exclaims.

“She’s my kid, I can call her whatever I want,” Britta snaps back. “Plus I’m the one who named her. I can choose how to pronounce her name!”

“She’s my kid, too! And you were high on weed when you named her that can’t count!” Jeff argues.

“And you were drunk on scotch and were trying to name her ‘Scotch’!” Britta argues back. “At least I named her after a true feminist icon!”

“Whose name you can’t even pronounce!” Jeff snaps back.

Britta and Jeff argue for a few more minutes. “Everybody shut up!” Annie screams. “We need to hurry for goodness sake! The fate of Greendale depends on it.” Britta and Jeff glare at each other.

“And for the record, you should probably take Helen with you,” Abed replies. “Leaving a little kid alone in a room isn’t very safe, especially if Chang decides to check on us.” Everyone nods in agreement.

And so Troy, Abed, Annie, Annie Kim, Jeff, Britta, Shirley, and Jeff and Britta’s kid Helen crawl into the vents, hoping to find some place safe enough to devise a plan and save Greendale...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiding in the vents of Greendale, the gang chats up on their lives and overhear Chang discussing something that could endanger their whole plan...

_ The Vents of Greendale Community College _

“We need some backstories,” Abed says, breaking the awkward and eerie silence of the vents. They’d been crawling through the vents, trying to find someplace safe to hide in and create a good plan, although the farther they got with the idea of saving Greendale from the clutches of Subway, the more insane it seemed.

“What?” Jeff asks, annoyed.

“Backstories,” Abed replies. “Mostly to fill the emptiness during this scene. And because the audience should know what we’ve been up to. To be honest, we should all fill each other on what we’ve been up to, since we’ve been pretty out of touch.”

“Uh, I guess I can start,” Shirley replies. “After I moved to Atlanta to take care of my sick father and got hired as a cook for a troubled detective, he helped me jumpstart my career. I’ve expanded Shirley’s Sandwiches, and it’s now one of the top restaurants in Georgia. I’m even considering expanding it more and create training courses so we can expand Shirley’s Sandwiches across the country.”

“Oh cool, you’re turning into a corporation,” Britta grumbles.

“Let me just say, if this works out for me, I will be fair,” Shirley replies. “I will never hoard money or not pay taxes because I know what it’s like to be at the bottom.”

“That’s what every rich person says,” Britta replies.

“I’m a faithful Christian woman, I go through with my word,” Shirley replies.

“Um, maybe I’ll go next,” Annie says, interrupting before Shirley and Britta start arguing. “I met Annie Kim again at the FBI training and we both started dating. We moved to LA after the training and moved in with Troy and Abed.”

“After the finale, as you all know, I moved to Hollywood to work on a show,” Abed replies. “You may have seen it. It’s called  _ The Good Place. _ ” Britta’s eyes widen.

“ _ The Good Place _ ?” Britta exclaims. “I love that show! It’s such an inspiring show and really displays the effects of capitalism, seeing as everyone canonically went to hell because of capitalism. As an anti-capitalist myself, I could truly resonate with it.”

Abed smiles, proud of himself. “Anyway, after that hit show, I’ve been getting more opportunities. I got an opportunity to help create a show called  _ The Umbrella Academy _ , based on the comics. It just got renewed for a third season when we left to come to Leonard’s funeral. I also just got an opportunity for an  _ Inspector Spacetime  _ movie. After Troy came back, we started officially dating and got engaged and we were going to get married next week. I was also planning on making a movie based on Troy’s experiences around the world.”

“At one point, LeVar and I got captured by pirates,” Troy replies, still astounded. “It was dope.” Troy and Abed grin at each other and do their handshake.

“Jeff and I moved to Phoenix, Arizona,” Britta replies. “I finally got a job as a therapist and Jeff is a law professor at some community college. We break up every other week because nothing matters.”

“Well of course this matters, other else we wouldn’t be getting back together every week,” Jeff snaps.

“But if it mattered, we wouldn’t be breaking up every week,” Britta replies.

“But if it didn’t matter we wouldn’t get back together every week!” Jeff exclaims.

“ _ Shhh, _ ” Troy hisses. “Do you hear something?”

“It’s Chang,” Annie whispers.   
“Did you send down food for Dean and Bossy Lady?” they hear Chang ask.

“Yeah, about that,” they hear a gruff voice reply. “There’s something new that happened. Remember that old dude that supposedly exploded? He’s alive. He faked his death and is hiding with Dean and Frankie.”

“I  _ knew  _ there was something fishy about his death,” Chang snarls. “We can’t do anything about it now, though. We’re in too deep. But the only way Leonard could’ve gotten away with this is if he used the vents. Seal all the vents, we can still salvage this.”

“Yes, sir,” the gruff voice replies.

“What do we do now?” Shirley asks, once they’re sure no one is nearby.

“We should just disguise ourselves as students,” Annie Kim suggests.

“Wouldn’t Chang recognize us?” Britta asks.

“Wear a muted hoodie,” Annie replies. “We’d blend in with the background. Don’t do anything obvious either, just be in the background at all times. We need to be careful to avoid Chang, and if we do encounter him, we need to be careful to hide our face, like we did the last time Chang was a warlord. We’ll be able to spy on Subway pretty well.”

“We need to find someone we know,” Troy replies. “They can help us.”

Suddenly, they hear someone walk up on them. They turn around and scream. The man in front of them screams. “ _ Star-Burns _ ?” Shirley exclaims.

“Be quiet!” Star-Burns hisses. “And follow me if you don’t wanna get caught.”

The others glance at each other and nod in agreement. “So, Star-Burns, we have an idea,” Annie Kim replies. “We’re going to disguise ourselves as students and spy on Subway to come up with a plan. We need as many muted hoodies as we can.”

Star-Burns thinks about it for a moment. “I can supply that,” he replies. “Now follow me.”

***

The plan is to mostly hide out in crowded places like the cafeteria so teachers don’t get suspicious. The plan is also to split up into small groups so they don’t seem too conspicuous. Troy and Abed are to hide out in the cafeteria during the morning and the field and halls later in the day. Annie and Annie Kim are to hide in the field during the morning and in the cafeteria later in the day. Shirley is to blend in in the kitchen of the cafeteria and check in on Dean and Frankie. Jeff and Britta are to monitor the hallways during the morning and the lab later in the day. Jeff and Britta’s daughter is hiding in Star-Burn’s dorm room and is instructed to answer to no one and hide in the closet if anyone comes. 

***

Meanwhile, while the rest of the gang is preparing for their mission, Chang and Marcus Briggsburger talk in what used to be Dean’s office. “I have some important news,” Chang says. “The classmate who supposedly died isn’t dead. He faked his death and hid in the boiler room where we’ve kept Dean and Bossy Lady through the vents.”

“That’s fine anyway,” Briggsburger replies. “Seal the vents. We’ve already planned to keep the threat level fours locked up in the dorms forever.”

“I’ve already done that,” Chang replies. “But even worse, the threat level fours have eschang’d.”

“What?” Briggsburger explains. “How is this possible?”

“They must’ve eschang’d through the vents,” Chang replies. “I don’t know if they’ve been sealed inside the vents or if they’re somewhere else, but we have to find them fast. If not, the entire Subway empire is in grave danger.”

“Unseal all the vents immediately,” Briggsburger commands. “Conduct a thorough search everywhere. We need to find those threat level fours as soon as possible.”

“Yes, sir!” Chang exclaims, saluting. “Chang out!”

The study group’s situation just got a lot more complicated...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang splits up and attempts to spy on Subway, but things don't go as expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay new chapter also btw im new to the romance genre i forgot to mention that if anyone has constructive criticism pls tell me

_ Greendale Cafeteria _

Troy and Abed sit down at the back of the cafeteria, treating themselves to a sandwich. The cafeteria is a busy place. Students would come here to get a snack or have a chance to socialize during breaks. Students in the kitchens would prepare sandwiches and also take courses on how to please customers properly. Either way, it’d be busy all day, which is a good thing if they want their mission to work.

“Guys,” they hear Annie ask using the walkie talkies Star-Burns had snagged for them earlier that day. “Can everyone hear me? I have important news.” One by one, they all say “yes”. “Chang knows we’ve escaped. He’s conducting a thorough search of Greendale to find us. Everyone be extra careful.”

“Aye aye,” Abed replies.

Troy pulls his hoodie down his face, trying to look like a cowboy. “Looks a little sus, huh?”

“Definitely,” Abed replies, doing the same.

“What do you say we—” Troy starts.

“Check it out?” Abed finishes.

“Pizza?” Troy asks.

“Bagels,” Abed replies.

“Pizza bagels and no-no juice,” Troy replies.

“Hey, weren’t you that guy who made  _ The Good Place _ ?” someone asks. Troy and Abed freeze.

“No?” Abed squeaks.

***

_ Greendale Kitchen _

In the meantime, Shirley, disguised as a chef, prepares a meal for Dean and some woman named Frankie. “Go down to the boiler room and give it to the Dean and Frankie,” one of the Subway students orders.

Shirley slightly nods, hoping she doesn’t get caught at the last second. She goes down to the boiler room and is greeted by two of the security staff. They let her in.

Inside are Dean and the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen. She has silky brown hair that made Shirley want to snuggle in it and chocolatey, shimmery eyes that made Shirley want to gaze into them forever. 

Shirley didn’t understand these feelings. She’d never felt this way. As a bigot for most of her life, she still had problems with tolerance. She may have been more open-minded than she was years ago, but the feelings she felt still felt absurd to her. 

“You’re not the usual chef,” Dean says, snapping Shirley out of her trance. Shirley looks around. The guard is out of sight. They’re pretty much alone. Shirley takes off her disguise.

“It’s me, Shirley,” Shirley says. “We’re disguising ourselves to spy on Subway and find a way to save Greendale. I’ve disguised myself as a chef to check on you.” Shirley hesitates. “We haven’t met before,” Shirley exclaims, pointing to the woman and using her sickly sweet voice(otherwise known as her “sexy voice”).

“Oh, you two haven’t met each other,” Dean replies. “Frankie, this is Shirley, one of the members of the former study-group-turned-save-Greendale-committee. She left just a little before you came along to take care of your sick father.” Dean turns to Shirley. “This is Frankie. She’s the administrative assistant I hired a little after you left to improve Greendale.”

Shirley and Frankie blush at each other. “Well, I should go before anyone gets suspicious,” Shirley replies. “I’ll come here often,” Shirley says, smiling a little at Frankie.

Frankie waves at Shirley. Shirley leaves and heads back up to the kitchen, continuing her work of spying on Subway employees.

***

_ Greendale Cafeteria _

Troy and Abed were screwed.They’d been discovered. That was it. Someone would alert Chang and then Chang would lock them up in the dorms again. Sooner or later, Chang and his security guards would find the rest of the gang. Greendale would remain in the clutches of Subway forever.

“Don’t worry, I come in peace,” says the student. “I know that General Chang is looking for you and your former study group, known as the Greendale Seven?”

“Minus Pierce because he’s dead,” Troy adds. 

“And because we hate him,” Abed adds. 

“He’s a bigot,” Troy explains. Troy and Abed look at each other dreamily.

“Um, anyway… I want to help you save Greendale,” the student replies.

“How do we know this isn’t a trap?” Abed replies. “For all we know you could be spying on us. Or you could be working for Joss Whedon.”

“Why would you be scared of Joss Whedon…?” the student asks, confused.

“Why would you not be scared of Joss Whedon?” Abed replies.

“Um, anyway, I mean I guess you can’t trust me,” the student replies. “But I’d prefer it if you let me join. And if not, it’s fine. I’m not going to rat on you anyway.”

“We need to discuss this with some others,” Troy replies.

The student nods. “That’s fine,” they say. “By the way, let me properly introduce myself. I’m Poppy.” Poppy extends their hand. Troy and Abed shake it.

Troy and Abed smile at each other. “Troy and Abed making allies!” they sing-song quietly.

***

_ Greendale Field _

The Greendale Field is loud and crowded. Subway students would take PE courses to develop their speed when serving for customers. People were always running, screaming, or smoking weed under the bleachers. It’s a perfect blend of chaos and noisiness. Annie and Annie Kim wouldn’t seem suspicious and they wouldn’t be heard by anyone.

“I know that we’re in a pretty dangerous situation, but it feels kinda romantic,” Annie Kim says.

Annie blushes. “Yeah, I guess,” she replies. “Something about the danger of getting caught by an insane amateur warlord and possibly getting trapped here forever makes it seem like an ideal romantic situation.”

“Being scared is the best way to be horny,” Annie Kim replies, winking flirtatiously.

Suddenly, Chang enters the field. “Attention, everybody!” Chang screeches. “If you see any of these people, capture them and bring them to me immediately. I’ve shared them to your Subway tablets.”

Annie and Annie Kim freeze. “What do we do?” Annie whispers.

“Hide your face with the hoodie,” Annie Kim whispers. “We need to get to a private area and tell the others.”

Annie and Annie Kim sneak out of the field. They quickly lock themselves in a supply closet and use the walkie talkies and inform everyone. When they get out, they’re greeted by Chang.

“Well, well, well,” Chang menacingly snarls. “If it isn’t Annie and Asian Annie.” Annie and Annie Kim’s hearts thump. “I’m surprised you made it this far, but you should know by now. Subway is stronger than any corporation in existence. You can’t escape no matter what.”

“Oh, Chang,” Annie replies. “I think you forgot something. We’re both FBI agents, we can definitely escape.” Before Chang can react, Annie knees him and grabs Annie Kim’s hand and starts running. Chang shrieks.

“Everybody, after them!” Chang screams.

“Where do we go?” Annie Kim asks.

“Let’s try to make it to the dorms,” Annie replies, panting.

A few guards are chasing after them. “You think we can take them out?” Annie Kim says, smiling.

Annie nods, smiling back. Annie knees a guard and he doubles over. Grabbing him, Annie shoves his head through a glass window and he yelps. Annie Kim tears off a locker door and rams it into the guards, which would probably only work at a place like Greendale. One of them shrieks and passes out. The other one flinches but remains unarmed. Annie kicks the last guard and crushes the last guard’s skull into the wall.

“Fighting is hot, isn’t it?” Annie replies. Annie Kim blushes.

There aren’t any more guards, but they can hear Chang barking orders. Sooner or later, they’d be outnumbered, so they had to get out of there fast. 

Annie and Annie Kim run all the way to the dorms before anyone else starts chasing them and lock themselves into Star-Burns’s room. Inside was a note. It says:

_ Dear Greendale Seven, _

_ If you’re looking for the small child hiding in the closet, don’t bother. She’s with us. If you want her back, surrender. If not, we’ll just keep her as child labor. It’s one of the evil person things I’m most eager to try. _

_ ~ General Chang _

***

_ Star-Burns’s Room _

Helen is lonely. All her toys had been confiscated by the crazy Asian guy that locked them all up in a room. There wasn’t much to entertain her either in the room she was in now. But apparently going anywhere else wasn’t a safe thing to do, so Helen stays put. 

Eventually, Helen decides to take a nap. Maybe she could dream fun stuff, like a world where everything was made of chocolate or an alternate universe where she wasn’t lonely and bored.

When she wakes up, she finds herself in a room with a bunch of scary-looking people and the insane elf man. She feels like whimpering or crying or screaming, but she’s scared that doing so might get her in trouble. She wasn’t sure what she’d get in trouble for, but these people looked scary.

“At last, we have bait,” the meth-head Napoleon snarls, proceeding to laugh menacingly. “The Study Group thought they could destroy Subway. Instead, they only made us stronger.”

Helen crouches low, hoping that she’d become invisible. If she were invisible, maybe she could run away and find her parents. Or if she at least shrunk, she could roam freely. But as we all know, life is full of disappointments.

***

_ Subway Lab _

The Subway Lab, formerly used as science classrooms, is a crowded place. Numerous students would take courses on sandwich tasting, expiry date testing, and even courses on substitutes for expensive ingredients that would probably make people puke if they knew what it was made of. Due to the wide variety of courses available in the lab, it was always packed. 

“I can’t believe that an oppressive corporation has invaded Greendale and absolutely ruined it and we  _ didn’t  _ know!” Britta whisper-hisses, preparing herself for a rant. “This really does prove that capitalism controls everything! Thank goodness we’re helping save Greendale.”

Jeff stares at her. “You didn’t even want to save Greendale at first,” Jeff replies.

Britta glares at Jeff. “Well that was different,” Britta stammers. “We’re all just human beings trying to make it through the world.”

“Gosh, you’re the worst,” Jeff grumbles. 

Suddenly, a mad-scientist-looking-guy blows an air horn to get everyone’s attention. Everyone quickly simmers down. “Due to inlaws running around loose on our campus, we’ve had increased security measures,” the mad scientist guy says boisterously. “Two of them were spotted near the field but they escaped and crushed the skulls of a few of our best guards.”

“That’s where Annie and Annie Kim were going!” Britta whisper-exclaims.

“ _ Shhh _ ,” Jeff hisses. “You’re gonna blow our cover. Gah, you’re a terrible conspirator.”

“Says the fake lawyer who cheated on his LSATs  _ and  _ got caught,” Britta snaps.

“I got caught seven years later,” Jeff snaps back. “I gotta say, I’m a pretty great conspirator.”

“What a narcissist,” Britta grumbles.

“Everyone, stand in groups with the teacher you are here with,” the mad scientist announces. “The teachers will be holding signs and they’ll also be taking roll to make sure that there are no extras.”

“What do we do now?” Jeff hisses.

“I thought you were a  _ great conspirator _ ,” Britta smirks.

“Gosh, Britta, now is not the time to rub it in,” Jeff replies.

“So you admit that you’re a terrible conspirator,” Britta smirks again.

“You said that I was a great conspirator, Britta,” Jeff replies. 

Britta’s face heats up. “Now is not the time to think about that!” Britta hisses. “We need to escape.”

“Let’s just slip out the door and run to the dorms,” Jeff replies.

“Wow, it was right under our noses,” Britta says.

When the other students crowd up at lines, Jeff and Britta quickly slip out the door and run to the dorms before anyone spots them.

Inside Star-Burns’s room is Annie and Annie Kim, holding a note. “Guys,” Annie replies. “We need to meet with the others.”

***

_ Star-Burns’s Room _

“So… Chang imprisoned Jeff and Britta’s kid and said that they’d let her go if we surrender?” Abed says. “That sounds pretty dumb.” Everyone looks at Abed weirdly. “Is this a social cue? Because if it is, let me explain myself. There’s no point in surrendering because Chang would just lock us all up again anyway. He wouldn’t let us go.” 

“Okay, that’s actually a pretty fair point,” Britta replies. Britta looks at Jeff. “Gosh, we’re terrible parents, aren’t we.”

“Of course, that goes without saying,” Jeff replies. “But now we gotta think about what to do.”

“Star-Burns’s room can’t be safe anymore,” Annie replies. “We need to find a new room. Maybe Leonard’s room?”

“Also, Abed and I made an ally,” Troy replies.

“Name’s Poppy and they seem trustworthy,” Abed replies.

“We could get them to help us,” Troy replies.

“I sense that we’re steering away from an espionage series to a resistance series, by the way,” Abed replies. “Just thought it was an important thing to say.”

“Great,” Jeff replies sarcastically.

“Okay, so the plan is to hide out in Leonard's room and find this Poppy person to help us,” Annie Kim replies. “Team Greendale on three.”

The gang holds out their hands and on three, cheer, “Team Greendale!”.

They weren’t sure if they could succeed. There’s a 99% chance that they’d get caught and be locked up in a dorm room forever. But they were together, and that was all that mattered.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Study Group has a nice chat while hiding from Chang, unaware that their former study room is haunted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry for not posting in a while, i've been struggling with writer's block and have also been generally busy. hope y'all enjoy this chapter!

_ Study Room F _

“Aww, it’s been so long since we’ve been here,” Annie says.

“It’s such a mess,” Shirley replies. “What have they done to our home?”

“Be quiet!” Star-Burns hisses. “We can easily get caught in here.” Star-Burns locks the doors and closes the blinds.

The original plan was to hide out in Leonard’s room, but because of the explosion, more guards patrolling the area. So, they planned to hide out in the study room, which was riskier but at least it was more private.

“What do you know about someone here named Poppy?” Annie Kim asks.

“Poppy is one of us,” Star-Burns replies. “They can be trusted.” Troy and Abed grin wildly at each other and do their handshake.

“Um, I have a plan,” Shirley says. “What every sandwich franchise needs are supplies. Without supplies, Subway will have no choice but to get out of Greendale.”

Abed’s eyes widen. “We’ve definitely moved past a spy series and gotten into a resistance series,” he says. Everyone(except Troy) stare at him weirdly. “The people need to know.”

“So, you’re proposing sabotaging Subway?” Annie Kim asks. “It could work. Subway doesn’t seem like they’d back down to anything, and they’d outnumber us in any direct conflict.”

“We’d have to split up in groups again,” Annie replies.

“It probably wouldn’t be safe for you two to go together, since Chang already nearly caught you guys,” Troy replies, pointing to Annie and Annie Kim.

“My disguise actually worked very well,” Shirley replies. “And a kitchen sabotage is the best kind for a restaurant.”

“What about Jeff and Britta?” Abed asks.

“The lab isn’t safe,” Jeff replies. “They’ve taken extra security measures to make sure there are no extras.”

“Since the field is only used for classes, too, the field probably isn’t safe either,” Britta replies.

“The cafeteria should still be safe,” Abed replies. “People go there on breaks, so they wouldn’t be able to take roll. Unless they monitor who comes into the cafeteria and when, but we can check it out.”

“Whatever you guys do, you should do it tomorrow,” Star-Burns replies. “It’s pretty late today.”

“I guess we should go to sleep,” Britta replies. “Good rest is important to do important things. I know that because I am  _ finally _ a licensed therapist.” Everyone groans. Britta ignores them. “Where can we sleep?”

“The study room should be safe,” Star-Burns replies. “No one comes in here at night. But you’d have to wake up really early so you can sneak into wherever you’re headed tomorrow. There are bean bags for you to sleep on. Unfortunately, there are no blankets, but it doesn’t get that cold around here.” Star-Burns sighs. “I should head back to my room before anyone notices I’m missing. Good luck, Study Group.”

The study group grabs some bean bags they find in the corner of the room into the middle. The lights were already off, so they were comforted by nothing besides a few glow-in-the-dark stickers on the ceiling. “I can’t even believe what we’re going through,” Annie says, sighing and falling to one of the bean bags. “A few days ago we were living our normal lives crushing skulls. And now we’re trapped in Greendale by Chang.”

“ _ Crushing skulls _ is what you consider normal?” Britta exclaims.

“I crush the skulls of criminals,” Annie replies. “Including bad cops,” Annie whispers.

“Oh really? I’m so proud of you!” Britta replies gleefully, smiling.

“She’s very good at crushing skulls, too,” Annie Kim replies, dreamily.

Britta frowns. “I feel bad. Helen must be so scared,” Britta says, pronouncing her daughter’s name correctly for the first time.

“You  _ finally  _ pronounced it right?” Jeff exclaims, astounded. Britta rolls her eyes.

“Why would you bring a little kid to a funeral anyway?” Shirley asks. “Haven’t you ever heard of babysitters?”

“I guess we didn’t think of it,” Britta replies, shrugging.

“How do you crush skulls anyway?” Troy asks Annie.

Annie looks at Troy suspiciously. “Why do you want to know?” she replies.

“It seems fun.”

“It’s simple, just either shove someone’s head into a wall with full force or crush something into someone’s head with full force,” Annie Kim replies.

“I want to crush skulls now,” Abed replies. “I wish Pierce was still alive. I’d have loved to crush his skull.”

“Pierce sucked,” Troy groans. “Pierce was the main reason for me not coming out.”

“Same,” Annie replies.

“Why did we even let Pierce stay in the group?” Britta asks. “He is everything I hate.”

“It’s because fans actually liked Pierce for some reason,” Abed replies. “The Instagram fans of the fictional universe we’re in like Pierce at least. Tumblr fans don’t.”

Everyone(besides Troy, of course) looks at Abed, confused.

“I want to punch Pierce,” Shirley replies.

“That, my friend, is a vague reference that may not be very obvious to the Tumblr side-blog run by the author’s best friend,” Abed replies again. Everyone is still confused.

Troy yawns, snuggling with Abed. “Maybe we should go to sleep,” Troy replies. “We need to wake up early tomorrow.”

Everyone else nods in agreement and tries to sleep. This was nice. Since they’ve gotten here they’ve been so focused on saving Greendale, that they’ve missed being a good old study group. So many memories. They knew they had more important matters to focus on, like saving Greendale and making sure they don’t get caught. But laying in the dark, just chatting as friends, felt nice. And they didn’t know how much they missed it until now.

Maybe this trip  _ is _ for the greater good.

***

Pierce’s ghost stares at his former study group. He couldn’t handle it. They wanted to  _ crush his skull _ ? And they’re all so gay now. Ew. Even Annie had let him down. And now they’re saving Greendale  _ and  _ being gay without including him? Guess it was time to teach them a lesson.

Pierce’s ghost chills the study room. “What’s that noise?” Britta asks.

“Why is it cold all of a sudden?” Troy wonders aloud.

Pierce decides that this is the perfect moment to make himself visible. “Because I’m here to haunt you for being gay and for excluding me in whatever this is!” Pierce snaps.

Everyone in the room screams, forgetting the fact that they shouldn’t make noise since Chang might find them. “Pierce! What the hell?” Jeff screams. “We thought you were dead!”

“I  _ am _ dead,” Pierce snaps. “And now I’m a ghost that’s come to haunt you. How dare you exclude me  _ and  _ become gay? Being gay is so dumb.”

“Shut up Pierce, you’re dead,” Troy grumbles.

“Even you, Annie?” Pierce exclaims. “You were my favorite.”

“If being your favorite means not being a lesbian, I don’t want to be your favorite,” Annie snaps.

“You guys wanna kick him?” Abed asks. “I really want to kick Pierce.”

“Yes, go Abed!” Troy cheers. “Kick him!”

Abed kicks Pierce’s ghost and Pierce’s ghost starts crying. “All of you suck!” Pierce screams. “I am never coming here ever again!”

“Well that’s good,” Shirley replies.

Pierce’s ghost runs off, vowing to never see his former study group ever again.

“That was weird,” Annie Kim replies. “I wasn’t sure whether to be offended or laugh at how dumb that ghost was.”

“That’s just how weird Pierce is,” Annie replies.

“Maybe  _ now _ we should go to sleep,” Britta replies, yawning. “I’m getting pretty sleepy.

The study group nods in agreement and lays down on their bean bags. They’re now deeply confused, but also they feel content. Those feelings were familiar. Those feelings were Greendale. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Troy and Abed decide to become rainbows, Britta commits arson, and Shirley is in love. Meanwhile, Chang is up to something dangerous...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone! sorry for being so slow... anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter!

_ Study Room F _

The Study Group’s plan was extremely simple but just as risky. But as with things like this, risks were necessary. Troy and Abed were scheduled to be in the Cafeteria again and find Poppy. Shirley was scheduled to be in the kitchen and check what state the Subway workers were at. Meanwhile, Annie, Annie Kim, Jeff, and Britta decided to try to save Helen. With Annie and Annie Kim’s skull crushing expertise and Jeff’s muscles and Britta’s marijuana lighter, maybe they’d stand a chance. Little did they know, Chang was waiting for them,

***

_ Greendale Cafeteria _

Troy and Abed are hiding in the cafeteria, this time covering their faces. They were lucky last time that it was someone on their side that had recognized them, but given how their situation was already risky since Chang discovered Annie and Annie Kim and captured Helen, they should be extra careful. “You think we’ll see Poppy?” Troy asks.

“I hope we do,” Abed replies. “We’re going to need all the help we can if we’re going to sabotage Subway. Seems like a great time for Troy and Abed hijinks.”

Troy smiles. “Like what?” he asks, eager to hear what Abed would say.

“Let’s get married.” Troy’s heart skips a beat. “After we save Greendale, of course,” Abed clarifies.

“We can lose the rings right before the wedding!” Troy squeals.

“We can get married during the last chapter of the series of short stories we’re in,” Abed dreamily replies. “Get married on a cruise. Surrounded by the study group and our family. Poetic vows. We can ride off in the sunset, leaning on each others’ shoulders.”

Troy snuggles in with Abed. “And then what?”

“We can steal Subway’s supplies and sell it back to them and pretend to be vampires!” Abed exclaims, smiling.

“Oh my God, I love you so much,” Troy replies, pulling Abed into a hug, forgetting the situation they were in, comforted by the warmth of each other. 

“Um, sorry to interrupt, but have you made a decision?” a familiar voice asks. Troy and Abed break away from their hug and blush. It’s Poppy.

“Sorry,” Abed sheepishly replies. “We’ve made a decision, Poppy. We’ll include you.”

Poppy smiles. “Thanks,” they reply. “So, what do we need to do?”

“We’re doing basic spying,” Troy replies. “Another one of our friends, Shirley, is spying the kitchen today to see if there are any changes. She’s going to report to us later today.”

“Sounds cool,” Poppy replies. “I can report anything I see during the day. Where do we meet?”

“Study room F,” Abed replies. “We’ll most likely meet late at night. We used to camp out at the dorms, but that won’t work anymore. Our friends’ daughter got captured by Chang.”

Poppy nods. “Okay, then, I’ll come there and report whatever I see,” Poppy replies, waving.

Troy turns to Abed. “Were you serious about stealing Subway’s stuff?” Troy asks.

“Obviously,” Abed replies. “The ultimate Troy and Abed hijink! We haven’t really had much time for hijinks since we got here.”

Troy smiles. “Then I guess we’ll steal Subway’s stuff and sell it back to them.”

***

_ Greendale Kitchen _

Shirley reports to the kitchen like she did yesterday. No one notices anything, like yesterday. She sees Dean and  _ Frankie _ . Like yesterday. Shirley’s heart flutters. Shirley locks eyes with Frankie and they blush. This time, Dean notices and proceeds to go off to the side, making googly eyes at a Jeff doll that he’d spent a while constructing. Some things will never change, apparently. 

“Thanks for the food,” Frankie says, breaking the awkward silence. “It’s so much better than the food we’re normally given.”

Shirley blushes. “I made it in the kitchen,” she replies. “Figured that Subway would probably be starving you.” Frankie giggles a little.

“I’m a lesbian,” Frankie abruptly says. “It’s not something I talk about a lot, I think everyone’s romantic lives should be private, but I wanted you to know.”

Shirley awkwardly chuckles. “I’m— I don’t know actually.”

“Questioning?” Frankie asks.

“I guess,” Shirley replies. 

Without a thought, Frankie pulls Shirley into a kiss. Frankie has never been this confident about anything before, so this must be right, right?

But Shirley pulls away. Frankie frowns. She was wrong. “Sorry,” she mumbles, walking away. Shirley wants to call out, say that she made a mistake, but she doesn’t know what to say. So she just stares, screaming silently, unable to do anything.

***

_ The Hallways of Greendale _

Annie, Annie Kim, Jeff, and Britta walk along the hallways of Greendale, being careful to blend in. Occasionally a guard would pass by, but they were usually too busy playing  _ Candy Crush  _ on their phones. Eventually, they reach the Dean’s former office. There’s one receptionist and five guards inside. A reasonable assumption is that about five more guards would be inside. “Everyone remembers the plan right?” Annie Kim asks.

“You and Annie crush the guard’s skulls and we light guards on fire,” Britta replies. “Seems fairly simple.”

“Don’t miss,” Annie replies, for the millionth time. “We don’t want the entire building catching on fire, because then we’d get trapped, too.”

“Yeah, yeah, we get it,” Jeff replies.

Annie and Annie Kim go into the office. “Look, it’s those FBI agents that crushed a bunch of skulls!” a guard exclaims.

“And now we’re here to crush some more,” Annie growls, grabbing the guard and crashing a nearby lamp into his head. Another guard grabs Annie and Annie Kim kicks the guard and slams the guard’s head through a wall. A guard comes to taze them, and Annie quickly grabs the taser and tases the guard’s brain. Annie and Annie Kim knee another guard and crash the guard’s head through a table.

“Fire!” Britta screams, throwing her marijuana lighter at the last guard. It barely hits and the guard falls and rolls around. Annie Kim twists the guard’s neck. 

“That wasn’t necessary,” Jeff groans at Britta.

“Duh doy, it was necessary,” Britta argues. “I helped get rid of a guard while you flexed your muscles doing nothing.”

“You were enjoying the view,” Jeff replies, beaming.

“I was  _ not _ ,” Britta grumbles. “I threw my marijuana lighter at a guard!”

“Shut up!” Annie Kim snaps. 

“Why aren’t any guards coming out?” Annie replies. “Certainly they don’t have only five guards at the office.”

“Maybe we should look in that room!” Britta replies, pointing to a door with the words, “Warning: Little Child Inside”.

“Doesn’t that seem too obvious?” Annie replies.

“Chang wouldn’t be expecting us,” Jeff replies. “Plus he’s an idiot.”

“Wow, you actually agreed with me for once,” Britta remarks.

“I  _ did _ not!” Jeff snaps.

“I want to go into that room and so do you, that’s called  _ agreeing _ ,” Britta snaps back. Jeff and Britta bicker for a few more minutes.

“Oh my God just shut up!” Annie screams. “The stakes are very high, so just look inside if it satisfies you guys so much! No one cares if you agree with each other or not! We’ll keep a look-out.”

Jeff and Britta glare at each other and hesitantly go into the room. They look around the room. “It’s completely empty,” Britta calls out. Suddenly, Chang pushes Annie and Annie Kim into the room and locks the door. “Chang!” Britta screams. “Let us out! You’re violating our rights!”

“I  _ knew  _ it was a trap!” Annie grunts.

“And y’all fell for it hook, line, and  _ Changggggg _ ,” Chang snarls from outside.

Annie, Annie Kim, Jeff, and Britta bang on the door, but something’s blocking it. “He barricaded us in!” Annie Kim shrieks.

“What do we do now?” Jeff asks.

The four of them eye an unsealed vent mostly covered by a bookcase, most likely forgotten, and look at each other. Maybe they did have an escape.

***

_ Greendale Kitchen _

Frankie sits next to Shirley. Shirley’s heart flutters. “Hey,” Frankie says. “Are you alright? Did I maybe misread that?”

Shirley sighs in frustration. “I don’t know,” she exclaims. “I like you, but also I’m crazy. For him.”

“For who…?” Frankie asks, confused.

“My ex-husband,” Shirley replies. “Andre. I hate him so much. He cheated on me but we got back together because I got pregnant and I was embarrassed. And then we got remarried because he needed a housewife again. And I agreed like a wimp.” Shirley starts crying and Frankie comforts her. “And then he ran away again! He meant the world to me… and I meant nothing to him. I know better but I still want him. But I also like you very much.”

“It seems to me that you have lots of unresolved issues,” Frankie replies. “But what exactly do you value in him? You know that he’s a terrible person, and you know that you deserve much better. What exactly makes you so crazy for him?”

“I don’t know,” Shirley sobs. “I mean I think that I really only value him as the father of my children. I’m scared that not being with him would affect them in some way. Even when we got back together, I never really referred to him as my husband, I always referred to him as the father of my children.”

“I’ve never met your children, but I’ve met you,” Frankie replies. “And the children of such a wonderful woman must also be wonderful. Your children deserve better.  _ You  _ deserve better. You are much better than him. I’m not saying that you have to love me or even love a girl, but I care for you enough to make sure that you never love your shitty ex-husband.”

Shirley smiles and gazes at Frankie. Her eyes. Her sparkly eyes. Her beautiful lips. It was too much to resist. Without a second thought, Shirley pulls Frankie into a kiss, and Frankie kisses her back. Shirley loves Frankie, and Frankie loves her back. That’s all that matters.

***

_ Greendale Cafeteria _

Troy and Abed are ready. They’d snuck out earlier to find some fake mustaches— a callback according to Abed to Barry and Rod, the plumbers they’d disguised themselves as to save Dean. They’d also painted each other rainbow-colored so they wouldn’t look like themselves. People are looking at them weirdly, but heck, who cares?

“Oof,” Abed says.

“Baboof,” Troy replies, smiling at Abed.

It’s lunchtime now, so naturally, it’s more crowded and it’ll be easier to blend in. The kitchen is completely empty; even Shirley isn’t there. Shirley had told the gang earlier that there was a break room, so maybe they were there. But it’d only be a matter of time before staff started coming out, so they’d have to hurry up.

They took the credit card machine, they took the toaster, and they took everything but the onions. Which Abed says is a callback to something Leonard said during the riot during season 3. It’s a miracle that no one sees them(or, maybe people did see them, and they didn’t notice). Troy and Abed run out of the cafeteria.

“I can’t believe we actually pulled it off,” Troy says with a grin.

“You did not pull it off,” a voice menacingly snarls. Troy and Abed turn around to see Chang and a few guards.

“How did you know it’s us? Abed and I are literally a rainbow,” Troy asks, genuinely confused. Then he realizes. “Oh, wait, oops.”

“I mean we were going to capture you because you are literally a rainbow, but an actual confession makes things much easier,” Chang growls.

Normally, they’d be scared, but they had a plan in case they were caught. Grinning wildly at each other, Troy and Abed grab pencils from their pockets and start rubbing the erasers on the guards. “Is it working?” Troy asks, slamming his eyes shut.

Abed peeks at the guards, now frustrated and confused. “No,” Abed replies. “Maybe we should’ve gotten bigger erasers.”

“What are you idiots doing?” Chang asks, bewildered.

“We thought we could try erasing our problems, which in this case is you,” Abed explains. “Which doesn’t seem to be working.”

“Obviously,” Chang groans, rolling his eyes. “Enough chit chat. Guards, capture them!”

“We better try plan B!” Abed exclaims. Abed decides to become a vampire, which is one of his versions. He hisses.

Chang groans again. “You idiots will stop at nothing. Did you really think we’d fall for this?” Little did he know, his group of guards did fall for it. He turns to the guards, who are whimpering and wailing. “You’re not really falling for this, are you?” he snaps at the guards. The guards run away, crying.

Troy and Abed smile at each other and do their handshake. “It actually worked!” Troy gleefully replies. “I can’t believe it actually worked.”

Chang glares at them. “You may have fooled those idiots, but you can’t fool me,” he growls. Troy immediately punches Chang and Chang grunts and falls to the floor.

Troy and Abed bolt to the study room, making sure no one sees them. By now, the supplies they stole are damaged to the point of no repair, so their mission was sorta accomplished.

There’s no one in the study room. Shirley was probably still spying, although they wonder what’s taking the others so long. “You think they’re in trouble?” Troy asks.

“Even if Jeff and Britta got them in some sort of trouble, I think Annie and Annie Kim would be able to handle it,” Abed replies. “Although if they don’t make it to the study room by tonight, we might want to check the office out.”

Troy nods. “This was nice,” Troy replies. “I miss having hijinks.”

Abed sighs. “Me too,” he replies. “It was nice to just forget what we were doing and be  _ us _ for some time.”

Abed pulls Troy into a kiss. They forget everything. The circumstances they were in, the things they’d have to worry about, everything. All they can know is each other.

***

_ The Vents of Greendale _

“Does anyone seem suspicious of this, though?” Annie Kim asks. “We just happen to be thrown into a room with an unsealed vent? It seems too lucky.”

“Well, then, maybe we shouldn’t jinx our luck,” Britta replies.

“Our  _ luck _ ?” Annie snaps. “Because we listened to you two, we got trapped inside a room. I’m with Annie Kim. This seems too suspicious.”

“There’s no way Chang could know that we’re hiding out in the study room,” Jeff boisterously says.

“ _ Shhh _ !” Annie and Annie Kim hiss in unison.

“Whatever, if we’re going through with this plan at least be quiet,” Annie Kim grumbles.

Annie, Annie Kim, Jeff, and Britta crawl through the vents and eventually reach a vent labeled “Study Room F”. “Okay, this is definitely a red flag,” Annie replies. “Why would he label the vents? The other vents aren’t labeled.”

“Just break it,” Britta groans.

Annie rolls her eyes and kicks the vent. It breaks open, and they squeeze out, to find Chang inside the study room with a bunch of guards, guarding Troy and Abed.

“Sorry,” Troy and Abed mumble.

***

_ Greendale Kitchen _

Shirley is in love. Frankie wasn’t ready for anything serious, especially given the circumstances, and even if they managed to save Greendale, Shirley wasn’t sure how her children would feel about her dating. Frankie had made a good point, that her children definitely don’t deserve Andre as a father, but Shirley’s still confused about how her kids would feel.

Shirley puts on her disguise. “I better go,” she tells Frankie. “Everyone outside must be wondering where I am. Also, I need to meet in the study room with the others.”

Frankie smiles. “Okay,” she replies. “Stay safe.”

Shirley walks out and is greeted by another student. “There you are!” he says. “We have an unusual flow of customers right now, most likely to celebrate most of the threat level fours getting captured. Most staff are at other classes right now. Go tend to the customers.”

“Threat level fours?” Shirley asks, worried.

“Yes, have you not heard?” the student asks. Shirley nervously shakes her head. “The new guests that escaped were captured. Now they only need to find one of them.”

Shirley panics. The others got caught? She wonders what could be happening to her friends and what would happen to her. No one seems to have realized who she was, but now where could she stay? The dorm rooms have already been determined as unsafe, and clearly, the library isn’t safe anymore. 

But she had to do something. The fate of her friends, her future with Frankie, and not to mention, Greendale, are at stake.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Troy, Abed, Annie, Annie Kim, Jeff, and Britta are caught by Chang, Shirley must come up with a plan to save Greendale and her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry i haven't posted in a while, i'm just super slow. anyway, enjoy this chapter!

_Underneath the Greendale Kitchen_

“I’m scared,” Shirley whimpers.

“Don’t be,” Frankie replies. “You’re a strong, independent woman. You can do this.”

“They’ve captured everyone,” Shirley sadly replies. “Except me. And I have no idea what to do.”

“Maybe we can resolve this over a food fight,” the Dean retorts from a corner.

Shirley’s eyes widen. “Oh my gosh you stupid dean, for once you’re actually being smart,” Shirley gasps. “We can challenge Subway to a food fight!”

“A food fight?” Frankie asks, confused. “Would Subway even agree to that?”

“This is Greendale, Frankie,” Dean replies, rolling his eyes. “We win in the most convoluted way possible. You’ve been here long enough to know that.”

“That is fair,” Frankie mutters, nodding in agreement. “But why would Subway ever agree to that?”

“If I offer to turn myself in if we lose, maybe they’ll agree,” Shirley replies.

“No, that’s too risky,” Frankie says, worried.

“It’s the only way they’d ever agree,” Shirley points out.

“I suppose that’s true,” Frankie mumbles. “But what if you lose?”

“We’ll have to make sure we don’t lose,” Shirley replies, with confidence she’s never had before.

***

Shirley snags a piece of paper from the kitchen, making sure it’s not obvious that it’s from the kitchen. She doesn’t want to expose herself. She begins writing a letter.

_Dear Subway,_

_This is Shirley Bennett, part of the Greendale Seven. I challenge you to a food fight in the cafeteria tomorrow morning. I have some basic rules in mind. The first side to lose all their members loses, and if you get hit, you die. If my side wins, Subway leaves Greendale. If your side wins, I’ll turn myself in. Announce your decision over the announcements._

_~ Shirley Bennett_

After writing the letter and saying goodbye to Frankie, she excuses herself from the kitchen, claiming to go to the bathroom. Instead, she quickly reaches Dean’s former office and slides the letter under the door. “What is that?” she hears a guard bark from inside. Quickly, she runs back to the kitchen, before anyone notices her.

***

_Study Room F_

Troy, Abed, Annie, Annie Kim, Jeff, and Britta stare up from the floor. Chang is pacing across the room, snarling menacingly at them. “This is really boring,” Troy groans, breaking the awkward silence.

“ _Troy! Shhh!_ ” Annie hisses.

“Don’t worry, Troy, it shouldn’t be too boring anymore,” Abed replies. “The author just began writing the scene, so interesting things should be happening. Unless writer’s block strikes the author yet again and they actively ignore this story.”

“I don’t know what any of that meant but it sounds awesome,” Troy says, dreamily gazing at Abed.

“Shut up!” Chang snaps. “You guys need to remember that you’re prisoners here.”

“Does anyone want to hear how I find this a violation of my rights?” Britta grumbles.

“Of course this is a violation of our rights but Chang clearly doesn’t care,” Jeff snaps.

“Doesn’t make what I said wrong,” Britta groans back.

“Yeah, but repeating the same thing is annoying!”

Abed scoffs. “The dialogue. The _painful dialogue_.”

“Quiet or I’ll fry your hair!” Chang screams. Everyone falls silent, except Abed.

“With what? Coconut oil? You’re starting to sound like my dad,” Abed retorts. Chang glares at Abed with hate enough to fuel a rocket.

Suddenly, Marcus Briggsburger walks in. “So we’ve finally captured the threat level fours, huh?” Briggsburger snarls. Abed observes Briggsburger. Boring suit, ugly(but not in the way that makes you attractive), even uglier voice. 

“You’re pretty boring for a villain,” Abed says. The rest of the group glares at Abed.

“I beg your pardon?” Briggsburger squeaks, shocked.

“Villains are usually very flamboyant, while main characters are usually very boring,” Abed explains. “It’s a trope I’ve never understood. In this series of fanworks, it seems to be the other way around. It is nice to change things a little bit.”

“Ignore him,” Chang groans. 

“Anyway, read this letter,” Briggsburger replies, handing a letter to Chang.

“What do you think the letter says?” Britta whispers.

“What am I, psychic?” Jeff groans.

“We should try to get that letter,” Annie whispers. “It could help us.”

“But how do we get it?” Troy asks.

“Maybe we could find out what the letter is about based on what we eavesdrop,” Abed suggests. So they stay quiet, deciding to listen to what Chang and Briggsburger are saying.

“Signed by Shirley?” Chang gasps. The study group’s eyes widen. “How did this get delivered?”

“A letter was slipped into our office,” Briggsburger explains. “Guards quickly ran outside after seeing the name, but they couldn’t find anyone.”

“What do you think about the offer?” Chang asks.

“I think it wouldn’t hurt if we agree,” Briggsburger replies. “Subway is definitely strong enough to win a food fight. This is the easiest way to capture all the threat level fours.”

Chang faces the rest of the study group and glares at them. “What are you looking at?” Chang snaps. The study group quickly looks away.

“So tomorrow morning, food fight with basically one person,” Briggsburger snarls. “There’s no possible way we could fail.”

***

_Greendale Kitchen_

It’s nighttime now. Shirley had officially finished her shifts. By now, news of the food fight had gone out. She’s hoping that other people would be interested, although she’d have no way of knowing. But right now, she had something more important to do.

Shirley silently walks along the hallways. Eventually, she reaches the library. There aren’t many people except a few guards and the rest of the gang. It wouldn’t be hard to escape, although they could easily cause a lot of noise and attract more guards.

Meanwhile, the rest of the study group looks around the study room. “We have to get out of here somehow,” Annie whispers. “There’s no way Shirley can win a food fight as a one-person army.”

“How would _we_ stand a chance?” Britta grumbles.

“I don’t know, but we have to try,” Annie reasons.

“What if we just fight the guards?” Abed suggests. “Purely speaking from a creative standpoint, that would be epic.”

“We’d cause too much noise,” Annie Kim replies. “Although a quick kick to knock the guards out wouldn’t hurt.”

Suddenly, they spot someone emerging from the shadows. “Who’s that?” Jeff wonders aloud.

“Holy crap, I think it’s Shirley!” Troy exclaims, a little too loudly. The guards that are supposed to be monitoring them bolt up, drool still dripping from their faces.

The guards get up, ready to attack, but then Abed stares straight into their eyes. They stare back, thinking to themselves, _Whoa, this dude’s awesome._

“Whoa, did you write the _Hotdaga_?” the guards ask, mindblown.

“Yes,” Abed replies. While the guards are distracted, Abed glues them to a bunch of chairs. The guards gasp. “These guards are extremely naive.”

The study group stares in awe at Shirley. “Before you ask anything, follow me,” Shirley firmly replies. “We need to get out of here fast.” The entire group leaves the study room and follows Shirley in silence, completely awestruck.

***

_Greendale Kitchen_

“I think the author got writer’s block again,” Abed remarks. “They haven’t worked on the story in over a week.” Everyone ignores him.

“Didn’t you say that Poppy would help us?” Britta asks, pointing to Troy and Abed.

“They were going to meet at the study room,” Troy replies. “And then we all got caught.”

“Yeah, because you two _had_ to become rainbows,” Jeff groans rolling his eyes.

“While that was an impulsive move, you and Britta were the ones that fell for Chang’s trap,” Abed points out. Jeff grumbles. “Terrible plot device, to be honest. Considering Jeff and Britta’s intelligence levels, I wouldn’t have criticized that move, but Annie and Annie Kim were with them. The author is a pretty sloppy author to be honest.”

“You get one Oscar and you’re criticizing God’s writing?” Shirley replies, absolutely confused by everything Abed is saying.

“I can’t help that I’m perfect,” Abed remarks.

Shirley looks more confused than ever. “Anyway… we’re going to need Poppy’s help,” Shirley replies. “And the help of anyone else.”

“Perhaps we could just get the help of people we know,” Annie Kim suggests. “Like Star-Burns.”

“What if we prepare a bunch of flyers and hang them up in the dorms?” Annie suggests. “We’d reach enough people for sure. Hopefully enough people will join the fight.”

“We could do that,” Shirley replies. “And if that doesn’t work, I have a backup plan.

***

_The next morning, Greendale Cafeteria_

The next day, the gang reaches the cafeteria. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Greendale Seven,” Chang snarls. “I was surprised to see that you’d escaped, but it doesn’t matter. Beating seven people is just as easy as beating one.”

“I wouldn’t say that you’d just have to beat seven people,” a voice remarks from behind them.

“It’s Poppy!” Troy exclaims.

“And there are more people following them!” Annie squeals, relieved.

Chang and his army nervously look around. “Whatever,” Chang growls, trying to sound menacing. “We can still beat you.”

“I’m curious to see how that would happen if you have no food,” Shirley retorts.

Chang’s face goes red. He nervously looks at the guards. “Check the bags!” he hisses. The guards look into their duffel bags. They anxiously shake their heads. “You idiots didn’t notice that we had no ammo?” Chang looks like he’s about to explode.

“Let the food fight begin!” Abed hollers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this chapter, and the next chapter is going to be the finale. i'll try to post it soon


	9. Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shirley reminisces on how Chang and the guards have no ammo and the food fight begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking like a month to update, but I finally finished the finale! I hope y'all enjoyed the series and I hope y'all enjoy the finale :)

_ The previous night in the Greendale Kitchen _

“If that doesn’t work, I have a backup plan,” Shirley replies.

“What’s the plan?” Annie asks.

“Let’s steal Subway’s ammo and use it ourselves,” Shirley begins to explain. “Getting our own supplies would be hard, especially since we’re only seven people. And making sure Subway has no supplies guarantees that we’ll win. I’ve heard that Subway is storing their ammo in Dean’s office. We can steal it and hide it underneath the kitchen.”

“What if we get caught?” Britta asks.

“Everyone else is asleep, besides the guards at the study room, who I’ve glued to chairs,” Abed points out. “Everyone is just mesmerized by my beauty. Too bad my heart belongs to Troy.” Troy beams.

“Okay, I guess we could steal their ammo,” Britta mumbles.

The gang quietly sneaks out of the kitchen and walks down the halls to Dean’s former office. The hallways are empty, but dark, and that makes it scary. A guard could jump scare them, and they wouldn’t be prepared.

Finally, they reach Dean’s former office. Inside are many guards, fast asleep. The gang sneaks around, careful not to wake the guards. “Where would the ammo be?” Jeff whispers.

“Let’s split up and search thoroughly,” Annie Kim suggests. “Be careful to not wake up a guard.”

“You should phrase that differently,” Abed replies.

Annie Kim sighs. “Fine. Let’s split up, gang!”

“Forced  _ Scooby Doo _ reference accomplished!” Abed quietly exclaims.

The gang splits up. Eventually, after a while, Britta screams, “I found a safe!”. Everyone else shushes her and peeks at the guards. They’re still ferociously snoring. 

The rest of the gang hurriedly goes toward the safe. On it is a note, reading, “FOOD FIGHT AMMO”. 

“Okay, but how do we open it?” Jeff wonders aloud. 

“This isn’t even a safe, it’s a cardboard box,” Annie replies, rolling her eyes.

“I found some scissors when I was searching, I thought it’d be useful,” Troy says, handing the scissors he found to Annie. Annie cuts the box open. Inside is a duffel bag.

“Wow, so much ammo,” Shirley mumbles. “And this is their only supply. We’ll definitely win if we take this box.”

“We need to fill this up with something else first,” Annie Kim replies. “And tape up the box. That way the guards will think that they have ammo.”

“There’s another duffel bag underneath,” Abed points out. “We can use that to take the ammo we’re stealing.”

The gang hurriedly fills up the new bag with the ammo. Eventually, they finish and fill up the bag with a few bricks they find nearby, most likely used as weapons. They grab tape and fix the cardboard box too, and it looks nothing like a cardboard box that got attacked by a gang of former students at Greendale. After closing everything up, the gang hurriedly runs back toward the kitchen.

***

_ Greendale Cafeteria, back to the present _

“Let the food fight begin!” Abed hollers. The rebellion charges towards Chang and the guards as they fall to the ground, crying. The guards are dropping like flies. Shirley’s plan works perfectly. Finally, only Chang remains.

“Please don’t hit me!” Chang cries. “Subway will leave Greendale, I promise. This is so unfair. World domination is so cool, but whenever you do it, you’re “evil” and “oppressive” and then a bunch of bratty teenagers defeat you.”

“Chang, get help, we’re fully grown adults,” Shirley snaps.

Abed sits beside Chang. “I relate with you,” Abed replies, sighing. “I wanted to make a movie about a person that wanted to destroy the world because it sucks. When I told the producers that the person is the protagonist, they rejected my idea because destroying the world is ‘a bad thing to do’. People are so annoying.”

Chang tears up. “Will you guys let me be your friend again?” Chang asks.

The gang looks at each other. “Okay, but you have to stop betraying us,” Jeff replies.

“Deal,” Chang replies. “Oh, I should probably let everyone go.”

“By the way, our wedding is next week in Los Angeles,” Troy interrupts, grinning. “You guys need to come.” Everyone promises they’ll be there, and Troy and Abed smile.

***

_ Troy and Abed’s wedding _

A man wearing no pants arrives at a port. “Is this the wedding of Troy and Abed?” he asks Leonard, in a thick accent. Leonard is stunned by his beauty. 

“Who might you be?” Leonard asks. The pantless man can’t reply. Leonard and the man stare at each other. It’s love at first sight.

“Oh hey, Uncle Shady,” a voice says from the cruise. It’s Abed.

“Is this your uncle, Abed?” Leonard asks. “He’s very handsome.”

“He’s my grandpa,” Abed explains.

“Then why did you call him your uncle?”

“Everyone calls him Uncle Shady,” Abed explains, shrugging. Abed faces Uncle Shady. “Did you bring the thing?” Uncle Shady shows him a rubber duck. “Good, good. Come up here!” Uncle Shady climbs the cruise, blowing a kiss at Leonard. Leonard blushes.

“I’m very proud of you, Abed,” Uncle Shady tells Abed. “I got you and Troy gifts from Antarctica too!”

“Oh, so you finally accomplished your goal of going to Antarctica?” Abed asks. “Cool. Cool, cool, cool. Anyway, the wedding’s about to start. Can you call for Leonard to come up?”

Uncle Shady comes to the edge of the cruise and hollers for Leonard to come up. Leonard and Uncle Shady blush. “I’ve never been good at hiding my feelings, so I’ll just be clear,” Leonard suddenly says. “I’m in love with you. I know we just met a few minutes ago, but I can see a real connection between us.”

Uncle Shady looks straight into Leonard’s eyes. “I’m in love with you, too.”

***

Troy and Abed stand at the front. Abed is wearing a floral, turquoise kurta and Troy is wearing a shirt with a tuxedo printed on it and matching turquoise sequins. The guests are pretty simple. Just Annie, Annie Kim, Shirley, Frankie(who’s apparently dating Shirley now and the rest of the gang is pleasantly surprised), Jeff, Britta, their kid Helen(whose name Britta  _ finally _ pronounces properly), Dean, Chang, Poppy, Garrett, Vicky, Niel, Magnitude, Star-Burns, Pavel, Abed’s dad, Uncle Shady, Leonard, Troy’s parents, and a few VIPs. No one  _ that _ important, just a few famous Bollywood actors and Steven Spielberg. Because Troy and Abed were too lazy to find a priest, Shirley is officiating the wedding.

“Do you take this man as your husband?” Shirley asks Abed.

“Yes, I take my sugary pastry as my husband because he’s the most beautiful person ever,” Abed replies, smiling at Troy.

“ _ Aww _ , thanks syrupy circulatory system organ!” Troy squeals.

“ _ What is happening _ ?” Jeff whispers to Britta, confused.

“A wedding, duh doy,” Britta replies, rolling her eyes.

“No that’s not what I- nevermind,” Jeff groans.

“Anyway…” Shirley mumbles, confused by Abed’s vows and Troy’s response. She 

faces Troy. “Do you take this man as your husband?”

“Obviously, I take my infant woman as my beautiful husband,” Troy replies,

Britta turns to Annie. “Okay, I’m confused, do you know what they’re doing?” Britta asks.

“Oh, instead of using traditional romantic nicknames for each other, Troy and Abed use synonyms for each word so it sounds ridiculous,” Annie explains. “Nothing to worry about.”

Britta turns to Jeff. “It’s scary how Troy and Abed’s wedding is crazier than ours,” she says.

“What was our wedding like again?” Jeff asks, genuinely unable to remember.

“We were drunk and were frowning like a blob fish while a bartender officiated our wedding and then we decided to get divorced two seconds later while smiling like the Grinch,” Britta reminds him.

“ _ Shh _ ,” Annie hisses besides them. “The wedding’s almost over.”

Shirley smiles. “I pronounce you husband and husband! You may kiss each other,” she announces. Any normal couple probably would’ve kissed each other. Troy and Abed decide it’d be much more fitting if they did their handshake instead. They grin while doing their famous handshake and everyone cheers.

***

_ A few hours later _

“Hey Shirley, can you get me and Uncle Shady married?” Leonard asks.

“You want to get married to Abed’s grandpa?” Shirley asks, a little confused. “Since when were you two a thing?”

“We decided we love each other a few minutes after we met,” Uncle Shady explains. “For a better surprise, we’d like for it to be private. Like in the kitchen or something, I don’t know.”

“Understandable, follow me to the kitchen,” Shirley replies. They hurriedly walk into the kitchen and Uncle Shady and Leonard get married.

***

“Heyo, losers, Uncle Shady and I are married!” Leonard exclaims. 

“Yes, Shirley officiated our wedding in the kitchen,” Uncle Shady exclaims.

“Does that mean Leonard is technically Abed’s grandpa?” Troy excitedly exclaims.

“I refuse to acknowledge that,” Abed responds.

“We are also going to adopt a kid,” Leonard announces.

“ _ Please don’t adopt Troy _ ,” Abed mutters under his breath.

“Aww, that’s sweet, who is it?” Annie asks.

Uncle Shady stares at Annie. “You.”

“I refuse to acknowledge that any of this is happening,” Abed mumbles. “This can’t be canon. I’m convinced the author is punishing me for criticizing their writing.”

“We are also going to adopt the crazy gremlin,” Uncle Shady replies, ignoring Abed.

“His name is Chang,” Leonard whispers to Uncle Shady.

“Daddy!” Chang screams, running towards Uncle Shady and Leonard and embracing them. “Abed you’re my nephew!”

“You know what, I literally do not care what happens anymore,” Abed grumbles.

“I’m going to adopt Uncle Shady because it would be so cool to have a kid older than me!” Troy exclaims.

“Troy, you’re my husband,” Abed reminds him.

“Oh yeah, nevermind,” Troy replies.

“I’m adopting Britta!” Chang shrieks, as if calling dibs on her.

“Am I technically Abed’s cousin then?” Britta asks, on the verge of laughter.

“I still refuse to acknowledge any of this,” Abed reminds everyone.

“Oh, we’re also adopting Star-Burns,” Leonard replies. 

“And I’m adopting Magnitude,” Star-Burns informs.

“Pop pop!” Magnitude exclaims.

“This wedding turned into a group of people randomly adopting people,” Abed retorts. “The author has gone insane.”

“Pavel and I are married by the way, and Magnitude said he wanted to adopt us!” Garrett squeaks. 

Abed looks at Magnitude. “Is this true, Magnitude?”  
“Pop pop!” Magnitude exclaims again. 

“I refuse to acknowledge everything that just happened, but it might as well happen,” Abed grumbles. Everyone cheers.

Late at night, Troy and Abed stare out into the sea. The moon’s reflection on the water is breathtaking. “This will always be the most memorable day of my life,” Abed says, looking at Troy. “I technically got a bunch of family and my grandpa got married to my former classmate, but most importantly, I got married to the love of my life. The author who wrote this series of fan fiction stories may have written it  _ terribly _ and may have technically made our lives harder, but I’m glad all this happened.”

“I’ll never forget today either,” Troy replies. They kiss each other in the moonlight. Abed is right. Their adventure at Greendale may have been overly chaotic and crazy, but they’re glad it happened. No matter how much Abed wanted to blame the poor author who was only trying her best, it was because of the author the good things in this adventure happened, and they were thankful for that. While this internal monologue is obviously just the author being narcissistic of themself, Abed didn’t mind. He just wanted to enjoy the beautiful moment he’s in right now.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed the finale, and thanks to @imran-kaan on tumblr for helping me come up with the entire leonard/uncle shady plot line!


End file.
